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Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Online Dating & the Men that Make it Worse

       I should have known when the guy I had been talking to online drove 1700 miles and planted his Cillian Murphy looking self on my doorstep without any sort of notice that online dating would never take me anywhere in life. In fact, it would only make my pinch of a love life seem absolutely more desperate. Like I couldn’t find someone even if I was searching through the depths of the internet, a place that the saddest of sad are given false hope through websites with names like “okcupid.” I’m embarrassed even typing that name; imagine how my love life feels.
I know, I know, you’re probably saying “Um yeah, except, like I totally know a couple that met on Match and they, like, TOTALLY belong together.” If you are saying that, you may or may not be right. You also may or may not need to go back to school. 
However, that is similar to saying that one shade of brown and one shade of grey looked great together ONCE; there are literally billions of people in existence, of course some of them are going to find love in the weirdest places possible. John and Yoko? Sometimes it just works.
Last year, I went through a period where I really thought online dating might be the answer to all of my unanswered questions; where are all the hot dorks hiding? How do I meet guys without having to approach them? What’s a good way to mask my insecurities? The internet, duh! The craziest part is that I didn’t give up after the first terribly shy, “much shorter than he said on his profile” date (there were plenty more of them); I was persistent in my defeat. The guys I went out with were not my type, but the part that still stings is that, typed out, they fit like a glove. 
A few months ago, I went on a date with a guy that had a profile that oh-so-perfectly veiled his lack of charm (he swore by his love for cheese...the man knew his way to my heart from the get go). This gentleman brought a six pack of beer to my house, drank four of them and made a full-hearted and unnerved effort to come back minutes after he had left to get the two stragglers out of the fridge. And who says chivalry is dead, ladies?
It’s sad that I can hardly remember the name of any of the guys I went on these dates with. I never thought that I’d be the type of girl that couldn’t remember a guy’s name that she talked to for weeks, but the truth is, dating guy after guy after guy was exhausting and made each date less special, less exciting, less hopeful. 
After a few more bad dates, I felt like my love life had been wounded, shocked, completely destroyed with the power of one crappy website and a handful of men that were either born to be car salesmen, or made SO little eye contact that I’m not actually sure they even had eyes.
Maybe I’m just old fashioned (I’m not) or just tired of feeling like I’m crazy for making bad jokes on dates with men that seemed like they’d appreciate them (they didn’t), but online dating isn’t for this girl. I think I’ll meet my Yoko in the real world; I’ll take my chances.